Considering Change

I read I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan over the weekend. The premise of the book appealed to me.

“In I Almost Forgot About You, Dr. Georgia Young’s wonderful life – great friends, family, and successful career- aren’t enough to keep her from feeling stuck and restless. When she decides to make some major changes in her life, including quitting her job as an optometrist and moving house, she finds herself on a wild journey that may or may not include a second chance at love. Georgia’s bravery reminds us that it’s never too late to become the person you want to be, and that taking chances, with your life and your heart, are always worthwhile.”

I am always considering a job change. I am seriously toying with the idea of making a geographical change. And deep in my mind, I still haven’t let go of the fantasy at a second chance at love. See my post on The First One.

Two quotes Terry McMillan’s book stood out to me:

“There are three things I’ve decided might have helped if I had known then what I know now:

  1. When you think you’ve found the Right One and you free-fall so hard you levitate and picture yourself spending the rest of your life with this person, give the relationship everything you’ve got, milk it, and enjoy it while it lasts, because you don’t know when you might feel this way again.
  2. No one is perfect. Not even you. But know how much you can tolerate and don’t toil like a slave to make your relationship or marriage work. When you find yourself miserable more than you are happy, know this is not where you need to be. Figure out a way to get out.
  3. When it’s over, it’s over. Don’t look back. You never know who’s behind Door Number One or who might walk in to you life when you’re not looking.”

Number three hit hard. I have struggled with letting go of the First One for almost twenty years. I have heard to never go back and learned that lesson on my own, for good measure.

I have also read Real Simple every year for the past few years, and they always feature true stories in the February issue about long-lost love reuniting. Forgive me for holding on to one tiny thread of hope that this might happen to me, too. If it did, I would feel the same as the quote below:

“I don’t care what it is we don’t like about each other. We’ll get to like it. I came here to sweep you off your feet and love you for the rest of your life the way you’ve always dreamed of being loved.”

Yeah, the First One would be worth it. He was worth it then. I’m sure he’s worth it now, and to me, always will be.

I had lost the belief that I was worth it. I was worth that astounding love then, still am, and will always be. I believe in myself again.

This is powerful.

Yes, I doubt myself daily. Yes, I make mistakes. I’m human. (See point number two above.)

Whether the First One and I reunite in the future is up to one of us making that happen. I’m not in the right place in my life to attempt a relationship with anyone right now. I have to be okay with my past and that I ended something precious and believe that I will find something really, really similar one day, when I’m ready and open to the possibilities for my own reasons and not anyone else’s. For now, I’m enough. I don’t feel lacking. I have a lifetime-long list of things I want to do and learn when I have a bit more time to do them.

These days, I pat myself on the back for taking care of my son, earning a living so that I can feed us healthy, delicious, home-cooked meals, and making sure we both have what we need.

Seriously, single parents, we are amazing! Pat yourself on the back right now, if you’re a single parent.

And believe in yourself. We’re worth it.


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