Let the Acid Rest

For the first time since last Thursday, I don’t feel filled with a consuming anxiety.  My stomach stopped burning my chest sometime during the night.  We kept talking last night.  Things became clearer, more specific as to what we need.  After a couple hours, we had a breakthrough, and we talked like we  used to without the recent, on-going frustration in our voices.  I stopped shaking from nervousness and felt comfortable to say whatever came to mind.  Whew!

No, it’s not all hunky dory yet.  It might not get there.  In the midst of it all, he stopped and said, “What if I’m not ready for all this yet.”

“Then tell me,” I said.

We may decide to spend time apart, by living separately, or to take the infamous break.  (I always hear David Schwimmer’s voice yelling, “We were on a break!” from the ‘Friends’ episode, when I use the term.)  We both addressed a need to find our selves again.  Honestly, I’ve daydreamed about doing that and tried to do that when he’s been out-of-town.  I always end up reading a ton.  I love to read, but I also know I don’t want to sit inside all the time with my nose in a book.  Well, in the summer, I sat outside with my nose in a book while Little Guy played.  It’s winter now.

If we did decide to take a break, the time apart would be for me.  I would not be in any condition to date, I mean maybe, but I don’t feel ready or interested.  He may feel differently.  I would want to set parameters to the break.  I can’t decide if that makes a break fair or defies the point of a break.  I suppose it would be up to us to create our own meaning.

For now, we’re talking, and I understand better what he expects and needs, and I think it goes both ways.  I hope so.  It should.  How could it not?  While I don’t like feeling in limbo, I know we’re thinking more clearly now, and we won’t make any rash decisions.  If nothing else, I have learned so much about what to do and not to do to make any relationship work.  A relationship is like a garden; it needs constant care.

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3 Responses to Let the Acid Rest

  1. Cele says:

    Jenn all relationships are hard work, but well worth it if it’s the relationship you want. Good Girl.

  2. Jennifer says:

    Jen agrees! And be glad the man can form complete sentences and tell you what he wants. It’s not like society encourages him in that sort of thing.

  3. lynnblossom says:

    I would reply with something wise, but I’m two divorces down and feel really stupid about relationships. I avoid them, you embrace them. Would comforting words do?

    How about “I know that your instincts are highly developed. You’ll know the right thing to do.” How about “Whatever you do you have my complete support.”

    How about “I love you more than anything. Even more than Freddie.”

    Freddie says Hi. Jackson squeaks, Beano fell over trying to play with a toy mouse, and Sushi has a new bed that she loves, so she lies it in purring all day. Life is good. Can’t wait to see you.

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