(I wrote this one on 9/24, but Sucky September followed the rules and wouldn’t let me post it. Maybe it was better that way. I’ll never know.)
Sorry to break the news, but for the most part, September sucks. Of course, not all of it sucks, but this year compounded on last year in its own special way. On top of it all, I am not myself…yet….still….again. I don’t know, but apparently I have less patience than normal which makes me question my character, my self, my confidence in life. Fuck.
My first marriage occurred in September, on one of my best friend’s birthdays. Sorry, dude! You know it ended, so I hope you’ll forgive me for that one. This year, I had to lay my dog to rest on Sunday of Labor Day weekend. Double damn, that was hard. I miss him, and I wasn’t ready, and telling my son was the WORST, nope, 2ND WORST THING EVER. Then, I got a letter that weekend summoning me to court after the holiday over my foreclosed home. You know, because losing it and getting the paperwork and moving the rest of Ex’s shit out wasn’t bad enough, I had to go to court on his dead ass’s behalf. Fast forward to the 21st, where every time I wrote the date, I thought, “Today, the 21st of September, a day I’ll never forget.” And then, I would daydream a little about a time in the future when the 21st of September might happen, and I would forget that Ex died that day, and it would be a normal day, and I would realize later that week that the day had come and gone without a sad, black thought entering my mind.
Like I said before, not all of September has sucked. I started at my new job, and I enjoy having a steady, reliable workplace and working with a great team. Oh, the benefits RULE on top of that! I got Ex’s business taxes done, but not his personal. Filing those taxes and meeting that deadline with confidence (Thank you, CPA!) gave me a huge boost in my healing process. Aside from calculating the expenses, it felt like playing a giant game of hopscotch where I win. Also, I don’t remember having such a long, warm fall in the 10 years I have lived here. Wait, we’re having Fall this year!!! First time ever! Yaaaayyyy! Little Guy LOVES school. I hope it lasts another 16 years or so. I love hearing what he learns, and it comes out of him at random times.
So, I guess I could say I have been in my head, or in paperwork, or adjusting to my new schedule, or in a good book to avoid my head most of this month. It’s not all bad, but I’ve not been myself. I do fine at work, and not fine at home. I’m working on it. I have to. I have to work on it, and maybe call the doc for some Prozac again. Hey, September sucks. Hello, October!