A week ago, I accepted a full-time position with a company I worked for before in the area. I have slept two full nights since. I have averaged two full nights of sleep a week for a couple weeks now. I think I sensed another big change before it happened. Now that I think about it, summer has been full of changes this year. Anyway, the restful nights I enjoyed in July didn’t last.
I look forward to full-time work at one location, rather than the constant running from job to job. I’ll have health benefits, and so will Little Guy.
With one full-time job, I’ll have to make sacrifices that I haven’t had to make as many of in the last 5 years. I’ll have a commute of 30 minutes or more on a winding, 2-lane road that scares the crap out of me in the winter. I know I’ll get used to it. Hundreds of people drive it every day, and I will join them.
I struggle most with the hours that I will have to keep and the child-care tangles that come with working later than 5:15 p.m. I have had it so good as far as getting enough time with Little Guy, and now I’ll be lucky to be home by 6:30 p.m. and have dinner made by 7:30 and him in bed by 8. It makes me wonder, what’s the point of having a family if you don’t get to spend any time with them? Plus, I’ll have to miss his very first day and week of school to go to training halfway across the state.
The reality is that I’m a single mom, and I knew I would face this fork in the road one day. I knew that I would make a choice to better our lives with stability and health insurance and a steady paycheck. I just didn’t realize what I would miss along with it.
It could be worse. I could have to work nights. I could have to commute 2 hours each way, uphill, barefoot, in the snow. Sorry, I couldn’t help it.
I don’t know how I’ll find time to walk the dogs. Or how they’ll manage to hold all their bodily fluids in for 11 hours. Yes, I’ve considered hiring a pet sitter to let them out during the day. It may happen. The theme of taking a new job has been, “You gotta do what you gotta do.”
As for the sleepless nights, change has caused that. Little Guy will now need a place to go after school, and I have that part of the puzzle to work out still. He can’t go to daycare because daycare had planned all summer on me picking him up from school, so she has no room for him. I have considered hiring a nanny or a high schooler, but my daycare provider, a wise woman, has warned me over and over to be careful where he goes so that he doesn’t get abused. Can’t my mom take care of him? she asked. No, she can’t relocate, stop working now that she finally is working, and move up here to take care of Little Guy for two hours a day and all day on Friday until 7 p.m. and some Saturday mornings.
With endless worrying and questioning and doubt, I have wondered, Is it worth it? Am I doing the right thing? And, as always, how will this affect my son?
I am going to take the job. We’re in a recession, and I’m lucky that I got a job. It will lead to other opportunities. My parents worked as single, divorced, shared custody parents during my childhood. I will too. Everything works out. It always does. We’ll adjust. We always do. And if I really don’t like the job, I can look for something else with better hours that won’t cause such a child-care and family time headache.
For now, I’m going for it. Sleeplessness be damned. I might be tired which makes me depressed and not myself, but suddenly I have all this extra time to get things done, like blogging and cleaning the bathroom and selling Ex’s stuff on Ebay.