Talk Thursday – Imaginary Spring

Boyfriend left for the Jersey shore a week ago.  I drove him to the airport the morning of Winter Storm Watch #1 which called for 28″.  We got a few inches.  Living above 10,000 feet, we hear from the Snow Queen through June, and I don’t usually think much of it.  This past week, it snowed every day but Wednesday.  Boyfriend has described sunny, warm weather, while I’ve walked the dogs in the wind and wet, spring snow every day but one.

This year, the weather has started to wear on me.  It annoys me that the cold weather annoys me this year.  I hope it means a cooler than normal summer, not that it gets above 70 degrees often in the summer.  When it does, it’s intense!  The annoying weather also makes me want to take the advice I used to give to Ex: “If you don’t like the weather, then you should move.” This week in my spare time, I looked at places for rent and jobs in other areas.  I wanted an idea of what the market’s like away from here.

I’ve lived here for 10 years, a fraction of time compared to other longtime high country residents.  Most of those years have memories attached to Ex, and for Little Guy, too.  I suppose it comforts Little Guy to remember the places he and his dad went together.  Sometimes, I don’t want to hear about the donut shop they went to while we drive to the grocery store every week, or the church they went to when we drive through another town.  That makes me feel bad, too, to just say, “uh-huh” and hope his quick mind moves on to another subject.  It also makes me want to move out of the area and make some new memories for the both of us.

It’s not that I want Little Guy to forget about his dad.  I know his memories will fade over time.  For now, that kid remembers things from before he turned two.  I just have to wait.  I have to keep in my mind that he will only remember what I tell him and what he sees in the photos I have.  Maybe I’m reacting with my heart and not my mind, but I have the opportunity to move away while Little Guy’s young and maybe I can prevent us both from enduring any extra pain, even though moving comes with its own pains.  In the meantime, I’ll continue to look for a good place to relocate.  (Boyfriend’s pro-relocating, too.)  The country’s the limit with a few exceptions, like Utah, Idaho and Texas.

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2 Responses to Talk Thursday – Imaginary Spring

  1. Cele says:

    Sometimes the places that hold memories hold hurts, but sometimes they are the way we remember what we can hold on to any longer on this plane. I hope you heal, I hope Little Guy heals and retains his love and memories. I hope you find a place to live where you are happy.

  2. Psam says:

    Oregon sure is nice!!

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