I took Little Guy trick-or-treating, well trunk-or-treating, on Halloween and then to a community Halloween party. Little Guy had a blast. I forgot the camera, so I’ll fake some pics later of Little Guy. I had a good time seeing friends, but it didn’t take long for the tears to start coming. It didn’t help that a local business owner and father was there with his family. I was till sore over his words to me from the day before, business-related. I glowered at him that night, mad at him for taking his life for granted and for being such a petty dickhead.
I was okay until a friend of mine came up to me and said, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I’m sorry to hear about your Ex. You know, my dad was murdered when I was 6, and I don’t remember any of it. It fades over the years. It will be up to you to help Little Guy remember his dad. How are you doing?”
“Fine,” I said and smiled as I held back tears. People can read me like a book.
“You’re strong,” she said. “You’ll make it through this just fine. It gets easier over time. Where’s Girlfriend?”
“I haven’t seen her yet,” I said. I moved out of her place last weekend and back into the old house and have started to move into a different house this week.
She showed up with her mom, daughter, ex-husband and boyfriend. “How are you?” she asked. And then her mom asked, and I thought, ‘I have a whole year to go of making new memories without Ex.’ I kept answering “fine” to everyone and pushing back more tears. This is the first holiday of the season, and how am I going to do with the rest of them?
The same way I did with Halloween. I’ll make new memories, and it will get easier with each one. Then, I’ll have a whole year done and full of new memories to look back on next year. I hope that with each year the first day of Fall and Halloween get easier. I know they will, and maybe I’ll remember to bring the camera.
As for the local business owner, I decided that I don’t despise him. I dislike him in general, but aside from that, I also feel a little jealous that he still has his wife and kids. So I have somewhat stopped wanting to tell him where to go and really want to tell him to treasure what he has because life is fleeting, and life is short, and if I were him, I’d worry about the big stuff and not the small stuff.
Because of that incident at his business and the way the management runs the company I work for, I have decided that I need a new job. So, here’s to a year of making new memories and creating the life that I want.