I’m divorced. Yay! I’m divorced!
Friday morning, divorce day, I woke up to four elk in the field outside my bedroom window. The sun rose next presenting all colors: orange, pink, yellow, green, blue, violet. Little Guy and I sat in bed and watched the elk graze for 10 minutes.
Somehow, Little Guy and I were ready to go ON TIME that morning. I got Little Guy to daycare at 8:20 a.m. and arrived at the courthouse at 8:22 a.m. The hearing was at 8:30 a.m. Amazing! I run 15 minutes late almost all the time, especially first thing in the morning when I have to get two of us ready.
I walked into the courthouse wearing a sweater I had retrieved from the give-away & never-want-to-see-it-again bag. I saw Ex waiting outside the courtroom. We greeted each other then maintained silence until the guard let us in. We sat down at two different tables and shot the shit until the judge came in. Upon the judge settling in, he commended us for getting along and keeping Little Guy’s best interests a priority.
We got through the rest of the proceedings over the next 30 minutes. Ex kept his eyes down and stayed pretty quiet. I did most of the interacting and speaking with the judge. My back stayed straight and I kept my head up and looked the judge in the eye when we spoke to each other. After the judge pronounced us officially divorced, he commended us again for our honorable behavior. Then, he asked what the lunch specials were going to be that day at the restaurant, which I didn’t know.
I got in my car and thought that the hearing went a lot easier than I expected. I reacted in a way I didn’t expect. I didn’t cry. I didn’t start planning a celebration either. I felt relieved, like I could move on with my life. I felt empowered and pensive. I peppered my work day with a few butt-shaking boogies over the legal change, but that was it.
I felt exhausted. I hadn’t slept well. I had anticipation leading up to the hearing in good and bad ways. I went home wanting to lie in bed and read, but having Little Guy with me that night made that hard to accomplish. I ended up lying in bed for a while so still. My eyes moved from one end of the ceiling to the other. My chest floated up and down. My mind ran so fast I couldn’t have done anything else but be still.
I expected to go out for a celebratory drink the next night, but after working a double shift at the restaurant, I could only think about sleeping. I will celebrate in my own way when I’m ready. I know that I celebrated a little when I ended the relationship November 1st. Every day feels like a celebration to have moved past feeling like a caged bird.
Freedom. Peace. Happiness. Contentment. Celebrate every day.