Optimistic Realism

Holy cow! I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since November. I have written, but not much or frequently.

Mom visited for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She stayed with Ex for Thanksgiving and with me for Christmas. After her Christmas stay, she informed me that my life is complicated.

I disagreed…until today.

During her visit, she saw me in my real, new life, living in one room with my son 5 days a week and sharing a home with a family about whom I care a lot. Some days I feel like I drive back and forth between my old home and my new home and daycare. And then, I fit in a social life and three jobs, one of which is working for Ex. Tricky, I know.

I will say that I have it pretty good. Life is good. I have no regrets about my decision to reclaim my life, I mean, get divorced from Husband. We get along better now than we did when we were together.
I think Little Guy feels my relief and more positive feelings toward Ex. He’s very matter-of-fact about the situation of where I live now.

Since I left Ex, he has decided that he needs to change himself. (You’re welcome.) He’ll make a better father and a better husband for his second wife. He will remarry, and I want him to do it for the right reasons. Though, with our child in the picture, it kind of scares the shit out of me to think about another entire family coming into Little Guy’s life. I see a lot of opportunity, too, for all of us.

As for me, I have learned a lot about life and myself. I still don’t believe in marriage, unless it involves separate houses and separate everything, and then what’s the point? I must have believed in marriage a smidge when I did it, but it always felt temporary. Maybe if I hadn’t married him, I would never have grown as much courage as I have. I’d like to think not, but maybe. I could have had a live-in partner or two over the last 8 years and had to have left them, until I learned not to believe in living with your partner. Ha ha.

For a person who walks on the sunny side of the street, this post seems more realistic than sunny. Optimistic realism.

Well, friends, I’m dog-sitting tonight and my complicated life has caught up to me and begins again tomorrow. I’m hitting the sack and wish everyone contentment.

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2 Responses to Optimistic Realism

  1. Cele says:

    Oh Jenn it is so good to have a word or three from you, for the update, the sights, the knowledge of knowing you are well. Peace.

  2. shinshige says:

    I thought about you last night. Missed you.

    . . . had regrets.

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