I feel like I need some space today, some quiet, some alone-time. If my kid wanted to tag along, I’d be alright with that. Last week’s forced quiet served me well.
We had an early night Friday night at work. My girlfriend had taken the night off, so no hanging out after work for me. No one else but me wanted to prolong the socializing. I realized how much my girlfriend drives the energy there. I used to control the a lot of the energy level, and now we feed off each other.
I started home and had time to think during the space between work and home on our dark, near-empty highway. I waved to the stars in the open, navy sky. Erasure played on low volume so as not to wind me up beyond the point of winding down.
I wasn’t ready to go home, but I had no where else to go, except a bar where I would usually go with my girlfriend. I felt stripped of the one night of fun I get to have each week, the one night of female bonding available to me, the one night of laughing til I cry.
At the town before my turnoff, I pulled over and turned off my car. I stared at the sky. The stars blinked back at me. I didn’t feel like going to the local watering hole by myself, even though I’m sure I would have seen someone safe and familiar once I went in. Even so, it didn’t appeal to me, so I turned the car back on and kept driving home.
It wasn’t midnight yet, and due to a mental roadblock, I have something against walking over my threshold before midnight on Friday. I did it anyway. I came home before midnight. I rebelled against myself. I didn’t like doing it. Coming home that early, at 11:22 p.m., sets an expectation that it will happen again, and I prefer not to disappoint.
And this right now, I give to myself as my quiet time. Husband works downstairs. Little Guy sleeps. Rice Krispies cool in a pan on the stove. Well, what I haven’t yet eaten of them cools. Dirty dishes wait for me to clean them. My brain craves Nicole Torres’ music during dishwashing. A long, busy week begins tomorrow. I’m thirsty.