I do NOT like be awakened from naps. I was almost asleep, drifting into my afternoon thoughts on life, when Little Guy joined me on the couch…and started kicking me in the rear. I told him repeatedly to stop. He didn’t. I moved to the other couch, my heart beating hard and irregular. Ironic, I thought through pulses of irritation. I’ve been rearranging my office today, and I had just thought that in order to get back downstairs to continue working on it, I would need a kick in the rear. And, I got one. More than one.
Phases – I’m going through a phase. I think it’s a phase anyway. Ever since my trip to California in April, I’ve been doing more of everything, such as, drinking, socializing (shucks, I know), working, having fun in life, writing, and confronting myself and others. Saying “no” has become a more comfortable word for me.
I have a theory that this is the real me, and I only let her out every four years. What if I keep her this time? All I know is that I’m tired, more so on the weekends. Four years ago, it didn’t matter so much to be tired on Saturday and Sunday (and Friday) after performing in theater. I didn’t have to get up early to take care of a small child. I didn’t have to run events every weekend in the summer. I was in the events. I had little responsibility other than to remember my lines and show up to perform to the best of my abilities, and that was in the evenings, rather than all day long. At least, I’m not hungover this weekend. I had a little too much fun the past two weekends.
This phase has to end sometime or come to a balance. Actually, I don’t want it to change much. I need to make some decisions. The thought of snow falling in about 6 weeks gives me anxiety, as does the thought of raising my child in this area. It snowed here this past week, in July! Maybe this phase came about because I feel like I have more steam to blow off. I have more on my plate than I have ever in my life. I’m processing everything. That I know. I know that I will manifest the answer I need by October when the majority of my current work slows down or drops off until December.
Until then, I’m phasing in and phasing out and keeping to my resolution of staying on top of my life. I will file my 2008 taxes in January. I have to get back to making the office more appealing. I bet a mini-fridge stocked with teas, coffee, various alcoholic beverages, plastic stemware, mixed nuts, and fresh fruit would help. Instead of painting the walls in Sherwin-Williams’ rusty Red Cent, maybe I should go for a disco ball.