Zen Sarcasms

I received these from a friend who only forwards worthy emails.  They made me laugh, and I needed that, so I thought I’d share.  Sorry, I’ve been a little MIA lately in the blog world.  Lots going on.  Busy with all 4 jobs (yay!), and I have an interview tomorrow to write procedures for a local company.  I’m nervous, excited, and eating non-stop.  I made Rice Krispie treats today.  I’ll probably make more tomorrow and have a drinky-drink after it’s all over.  

Zen Sarcasms:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me, either.  Just pretty much leave me alone.  

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire. 

3. It’s always darkest before dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. 

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. 

5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else. 

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. 

9. If at first you don’t succeed…… skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 

11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. 

12. Some days you’re the bug. Some days you’re the windshield. 

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket. 

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 

17. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. 

18. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving. 

19. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it. 

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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One Response to Zen Sarcasms

  1. ctanglefoot says:

    I have number 8 printed on my desk, but I could change it to number 15.

    Thanks the smile was a nice way to end the day.

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