Vacation Pre-Planned and Needed More than Ever! November 14, 2009

I am on vacation.  Yes, I took two of them this year.  Why?  Because I can and I need to.  No, I don’t get paid vacation, but I get time off. 

I have had this trip loosely planned since August or so.  Then, when life changed forever for me and Little Guy, I needed to get away and looked forward to it more than I already had been. 

We are staying at Sid’s for two weeks.  So far, we have gone on walks every day with the dog and napped almost every day.  We have had scrumptious meals made by Scott or restaurants.  I have read an entire book and started a second one.  With the humidity, our skin has softened and my hair has more curl in it than it did, well, ever. 

While I haven’t gotten to escape all responsibility of tying up Ex’s loose ends, I have found that it’s not so bad to take care of those things in a warm, sunny, snow-free environment.  As much as I wanted to cry today after making difficult phone calls, those tears didn’t make it past my eyeballs.  I don’t know if the humidity tricked them into thinking they were already running down my face, or if my own stubbornness worked at keeping them in, but I was grateful for them staying in. 

We have a little over a week left of enjoying the weather and an open schedule and seeing friends that we don’t see nearly as often as I’d like.  I hope I get one more day by the pool in my tank top with my sweater tucked behind me for when the cool breezes pick up and to finish the rest of the other book Sid chose for me.  Even if I don’t, what I want most is for Little Guy to remember his first time at the beach and the time we have spent with family here.  I also would like to return home looking rested.  I hear rum drinks help with that.

Cheers!

Unforgettable August 15, 2009

Yesterday I turned 30.  I want to remember it like this:

I slept in, took Little Guy to daycare, and then got a back rub while watching the “Rocky & Bullwinkle” movie.

I went to work at the restaurant and worked hard because it was busy.  I made some bucks.  I finished eating lunch at 5.

I picked up Little Guy and went home where I found a card and a Hip Hop Party CD from Girlfriend Roomie.  Upstairs, her boyfriend had bought me a cake made of chocolate cookie with a chocolate ganache on top.  The kids and I went downstairs to have a dance party.  I danced and sang.  They didn’t.  They read books under Little Guy’s bed.  I drank a vodka tonic.  Mommy needed a birthday drink.  Tonic sprayed everywhere when I opened it.

I texted back and forth with someone I’ll refer to as “Young & Handsome,” or Y&H for short.  He wanted to meet me for some dancing.  Girlfriend and I planned to go out, since Guy Roomie agreed to stay home with the kids after they fell asleep.  Girlfriend had homework to finish first.

After dinner, the kids and I had another dance party and we ALL danced.  Then it was PJ time.  I put Little Guy to bed, snuggled him, then waited for him to fall asleep.

Then Boyfriend called.  And I told him that I didn’t want to feel tied down anymore.  I want to see other people.  I’m not ready for a relationship so recently after my divorce, and I had jumped into this one too soon.  He was sad, told me he loves me, and we hung up.  He understood.  We may still hang out, but it feels tainted now.  

Little Guy fell asleep just after 10 p.m.  I texted Young & Handsome that I could go out.  Free of child responsibility.  Free of a serious relationship and any future guilt that may occur.  I felt relieved, a little sad, and then liberation bubbled up and burst out like the tonic water had earlier.  I smelled the 30 red, birthday roses in my bedroom, said “later” to Girlfriend who was still doing homework, and headed out. 

I met up with Young & Handsome at the Highway and got in his truck.  He smelled like grape lip balm and had styled his coarse hair into a short, spiky, upwards hairdo.  He’s so young and pretty I thought.  I complimented him on his hair.

We checked out the music scene down the road, then decided to head over the hill for some better and different action.  We went to a bar in the town and had a drink while listening to a solo guitarist playing 90’s college scene music.  It wasn’t what I was looking for, so I said, “You’re so young and pretty.  Let’s go for a walk up the street.”  I knew a good dancing place, and he’d never been there before.

We took a walk up there, and I had a couple more vodka-somethings and then we boogied to the live DJ spinning tunes that mostly he knew.  We danced.  We got jiggy with it.  Ta-na-na-na-na-na.  Okay, maybe not.  We had fun, fun, fun, and Daddy didn’t take the T-Bird away.  

He’s not the best dancer, but he’s not the worst.  He’s way fun to dance with.  We’ve danced together before.  One night, he tried to dance dorkier than I do, but failed and gave the crown back to me.  I am un-out-dorkable!  Thank you, Sid, for teaching me some awesome moves!

It was an unforgettable 30th birthday!

Talk Thursday – Cracks July 10, 2009

I took Little Guy to the park on Tuesday between appointments at the Ranch.  It’s my way of balancing all the work with some play.  He played on the slides while I skateboarded around on the ramps and flat area.  I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, rather to what Little Guy was doing, and 

Crack!

I skated over a crack too slowly and sent myself a few feet forward and skidded arm-first on the concrete.  My skateboard went a few feet in the opposite direction.  It took me a minute to catch my breath again.  I got up and played with Little Guy some more before getting back on the skateboard to try again.

If I had a camera, I would take photo of the cement’s imprint on my arm and shoulder.  I went to the hot springs the next night and the swelling went down, but my muscles still hurt in my arm.  

This should teach me to keep up the speed and pay attention to  what ’s coming up.

“Move Out. Don’t Mess Around.” – Yaz June 9, 2009

I moved my schtuff out of Ex’s yesterday.  The house feels a little bare, but lighter.  Maybe that’s how I feel, since I’m only wearing a bathrobe and I just pushed out a #2.  

One of my friends helped me do it.  Of course, I first asked him to join me for coffee in town.  I knew he would help a little, but I didn’t expect him to stay until it was done.  It only took a few hours, and he happened to have a ton of great boxes at his house to use, since he’s remodeling.  

I couldn’t find the list of what Ex and I had agreed on as far as splitting up the kitchen stuff, so that’s left to do.  Everything else is out of here and packed away.  A lot of my resentment went away, too.

On top of moving out, I started the day with a Triple Shot Mocha with whole milk and whipped cream and a peach muffin.  Then, I took the dog for a swim with the two dogs I will take care of later this month.  Next, I packed up my stuff, thanked my friend profusely for his help, picked up Little Guy from pre-school,and drove to Boyfriend’s work for Buffalo Chicken Pizza that he made for us.  (Have I mentioned the perks of dating a chef?)  Then, we three went to Target and the skateboard park.  

I had craved skateboarding all day like I crave caffeine in the morning.  I felt so much better after riding around for a while and trying to get better on the ramp.  Boyfriend told me that skateboarding is good for blowing off steam, and I had a lot of it yesterday.  Little Guy had us climb up to better see the purple sky of dusk before heading home.  

We got home and I put Little Guy to bed.  Just when I thought the day couldn’t get any better, Boyfriend presented me with a surprise.  I closed my eyes and held out my hands.  Scrabble!  We were too tired to play a round last night.

I can hardly wait to peel the plastic off the box and play the first game with Boyfriend tonight.  Momma, you’re going to get to play when you come to visit, too!

Last Week March 23, 2009

3.10.09

Kevin counted to ten all by himself.

3.16.09

I tried skateboarding for the first time.  I didn’t suck at it.  Boyfriend taught me how to get on a skateboard, turn on it, and go down an incline on it.  

Kevin tried skateboarding for the first time, too.  He got very excited about it and wants to buy a skateboard.  He fell asleep that night in the car in about 10 seconds after the skateboard excitement.  

I bought the most beautiful skirt at the thrift store that fits like a dream.  It cost me a dollar, is made of light wool and elastine of a greyish green color and requires dry cleaning.  The skirt has crocheted lace at the bottom of it.  I will need shoes with a heel to go with it in burgundy.  And a pretty bag.  And pretty underwear.  Yes, the skirt (and I) deserve all of that.  I will wear a pink, cashmere-like sweater that reminds me of the color of a cat’s tongue.  Until I have the right shoes, I will wear my pointy-toed, kitten-heeled navy blue shoes with my almond-brown, leather purse that accompanies me almost everywhere and my deep-cut, pine-green, silk shirt.  Hold on.  I just remembered that I have some burgundy flats that would go GREAT with this entire outfit.  FAB-U-LOUS!

3.18.09

Guitar Teacher gave me all three of the Fiona Apple CDs.  I have not listened to anything else in my car for the last 3 days.  And I have LOVED it.

3.19.09

I realized that I have achieved a personal goal of mine.  Sometime after all the shit that went down with Ex-Husband last August after my birthday, and the light came on all the way in my head, I made a goal to divorce my husband before my next birthday.  Goal accomplished.  I called my mom to tell her.

3.20.09

My male roommate and his daughter have gone to another state for two-and-a-half days.  I have felt freer than usual.  I got up this morning, made coffee, yes, coffee, sat and enjoyed it while Little Guy at his breakfast.  Then I swept and mopped the floors and talked to Girlfriend as she cleaned other parts of the house.  All of this before work!  No tiptoeing.  Whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it for one more day.  

I was supposed to go out tonight with my boyfriend to see a band.  I forgot to arrange a sleepover for Little Guy so that I could do this.  Last time I talked to my boyfriend about it, he said it didn’t matter so much whether or not I went with him tonight.  Then, I made plans to go for a walk with a friend in the morning, so I have to get a good night’s sleep.  In spirit of taking advantage of having the house to just myself, Little Guy and Girlfriend, I wanted to stay home.  I’m going to see that same band in a week with him.

I called Ex-Husband tonight, too to see what the plan was for parenting time tomorrow, secretly hoping he would say he could take him tonight.  (I really need a break on Friday nights.)  Mostly I gathered that he is a disrespectful, rude, snotty jerk who keeps assuming that I read minds which I don’t.  Seeing Boyfriend will have to wait until late tomorrow night, as usual, when we get done with our respective jobs.  Actually, I’m off tomorrow night, but I won’t have Little Guy.  I look forward to time by myself.  Maybe I’ll finish cleaning it.  I have bags and bags of paperwork to get through and loads of laundry to do.

Not looking forward to the return of male roommate.  Oh well.  Maybe I’ll drive over to Boyfriend’s work and have a drink while I wait for him.  It’s his turn to drive.

I housesit for a month starting on March 31.  I hope I miss Male Roommate by the end of April.  I think he’ll miss me.   I wonder if it matters if we miss each other?  On a human level, I would like to think that it does. 

3.20.09

I will housesit for Boyfriend next month.  I told him I would do it as long as he didn’t ask me to stay living there when he got back.  That was last week.  He took it personally.  

“You don’t want to live with me, huh?” he said as he looked out the passenger-side car window.

“It’s not that I don’t want to live with you, per se.  It’s that I don’t want to live with a significant other for a long time from now.,”  I told him.

I thought he understood, until Wednesday night when it came up again.  He thinks it’s a good idea.  I don’t.  My internal brakes reacted.  ‘Is he crazy?’ I thought.  ‘Yeah, crazy about me,’  I answered.  ‘Hold on.  I answered myself.  Am I crazy?’ I wondered.  I decided not……..yet.

If we are still seeing each other a year from now, I will reconsider co-habitating.  

3.20.09

Yes, I have a boyfriend.  We have a lot of fun together and make each other smile and play Scrabble weekly.  He’s a fantastic, professional sous chef and people person, and he doesn’t snore.  Praise the stars!

Last Weekend – Fun and Tiring and Filled with Music January 29, 2009

Little Guy went to a friend’s house for a sleepover last Friday night, and I went out with Girlfriend. We grooved to an entertaining, local rock band. I GOT TO SING WITH THEM FOR ONE SONG.  Wahoo!  We danced with funny locals who had the balls or enough alcohol in them to goof off on the dance floor with us.  We stayed up way too late.  I crashed on the couch and had to get up to work Saturday. I didn’t get to sleep in. What a long day of needing a nap, so after work, I took one. Then, I picked up Little Guy from his friend’s house and took him to his dad’s.

Saturday, I got the night off from work and went to a larger town nearby, about an hour and a half away, with a friend. We saw a punk rock show (Frontside Five) at a bar that didn’t have much to it, but a stage, a cement floor, lots of black paint, a bar, and two, cold, white-tiled bathrooms.

The music was loud. It was so loud that it vibrated loose all the bronchial congestion I have had for the last 3 weeks. Life List: See punk rock show: Check!

I couldn’t help but think of Ex who went through adolescence with the help of punk rock. He would have liked that place, just as this friend does. Weird, rare similarity.

Then, the moment I had been waiting for, Hell’s Belles started playing. For those of you who don’t know, Hell’s Belles is an all-girl, AC/DC cover band. Not being a huge AC/DC fan, I didn’t know who they were either. Oh, but when Girlfriend heard I had seen them, she was sooo jealous. She is a HUGE AC/DC fan.  She was sick that weekend, or I would have invited her.

Anyway, I danced to the music and couldn’t sing along to the lyrics. Those women kicked ass! I didn’t want the show to end. If this band comes to a town near you, SEE THEM!

Since I had slept very little the night before, this friend and I agreed that I would drive down and he would drive us home, so that I could sleep. This also meant that I got to have drinks. It seems like I get designated as the driver when I go out, so what a treat to get a real night out. I didn’t have to pay for my drinks, and he filled up my gas tank on the way home.

I still didn’t sleep enough that night, but it was worth it. And going to work at 9 a.m. on Sunday wasn’t so bad either, and I had Little Guy that day, too. As soon as I dropped off Little Guy that afternoon with Ex, I left in search of a nap and found one that lasted a couple hours and ended with cheese pizza and more sleep.