excuse me as I vomit June 3, 2009

Excuse me as I vomit my entire life into this blog.  I cannot help it.  I hold many things back.  I cannot tell you the specifics of my dramatic day at work that made me wonder just what the hell I’m doing there…still.

I can tell you how much fun I had at Ex-Husband’s house when Little Guy gave him his birthday present.  I got him a balloon rocket from Little Guy.  It took an hour of playing with the toys at True Value yesterday to select the right gift and get what we went there for in the first place.  

I haven’t laughed so much with Ex and Little Guy together in a long time.  It felt good in a friendly, ex kind of way.  I thought the squealing balloons that chased all over the ceiling would make the dog unhappy.  Turns out, he liked chasing the squealing balloons as much as we liked watching them fly all over the house.  The cat had NO interest, but he didn’t bush his tail at them either.  

Happy Birthday, Ex.  Have a good first trip to Europe!

fun in the snow April 22, 2009

Saturday, I didn’t have to be work until 4. I picked up Little Guy at 7:30 a.m., after 3 hours of sleep.  I went out this weekend.  More on that at another time.  Anyway, sometime around lunchtime, Little Guy and I decided to take the dogs for a walk.  It was snowing still, and we had received about a foot the day before. 

We headed up the road and found ourselves a nice bank of snow to sit down in after Little Guy wanted to see the stream he could hear.  We pretended to be dogs by kneeling and digging in the snow with our paws.  Snow went all over our laps.  The real dogs wanted to play ball, and we kept them occupied by throwing the two balls they had brought while we played. 

We sat in the snow and threw snowballs to the other side of the road.  Little Guy’s got a pretty good arm.  We tired of that.  Then, Little Guy called “snowball fight.”  We threw snowballs at each other and laughed and laughed. 

Next we played “way high,” a game that involves throwing a snowball, in this case, way high, straight up in the air.  I granny-shot snowballs and impressed Little Guy.  He’s still catching on to how to get the balls to go straight, but we laughed anyway no matter if they went up or behind him or fell out of his hands. 

The clouds started to part and the sun to shine at last.  I laid down in the snowbank to watch the sky.  Little Guy joined me.  We pointed out shapes and animals the clouds made.  It was so relaxing and fun.  I like being a silly mama and spending time with a silly son.

Talk Thursday – The Space in Between September 14, 2008

I feel like I need some space today, some quiet, some alone-time. If my kid wanted to tag along, I’d be alright with that.  Last week’s forced quiet served me well.  

We had an early night Friday night at work.  My girlfriend had taken the night off, so no hanging out after work for me.  No one else but me wanted to prolong the socializing.  I realized how much my girlfriend drives the energy there.  I used to control the a lot of the energy level, and now we feed off each other.  

I started home and had time to think during the space between work and home on our dark, near-empty highway.  I waved to the stars in the open, navy sky.  Erasure played on low volume so as not to wind me up beyond the point of winding down.  

I wasn’t ready to go home, but I had no where else to go, except a bar where I would usually go with my girlfriend.  I felt stripped of the one night of fun I get to have each week, the one night of female bonding available to me, the one night of laughing til I cry.  

At the town before my turnoff, I pulled over and turned off my car.  I stared at the sky.  The stars blinked back at me.  I didn’t feel like going to the local watering hole by myself, even though I’m sure I would have seen someone safe and familiar once I went in.  Even so, it didn’t appeal to me, so I turned the car back on and kept driving home.  

It wasn’t midnight yet, and due to a mental roadblock, I have something against walking over my threshold before midnight on Friday.  I did it anyway.  I came home before midnight.  I rebelled against myself.  I didn’t like doing it.  Coming home that early, at 11:22 p.m., sets an expectation that it will happen again, and I prefer not to disappoint. 

And this right now, I give to myself as my quiet time.  Husband works downstairs.  Little Guy sleeps.  Rice Krispies cool in a pan on the stove.  Well, what I haven’t yet eaten of them cools.  Dirty dishes wait for me to clean them.  My brain craves Nicole Torres’ music during dishwashing.  A long, busy week begins tomorrow.  I’m thirsty.