Talk Thursday – Attitude Adjustment July 6, 2009

I walked into work after the second round of guests had checked out last week to find a fairly tidy home to take care of after them.  Praise the stars.  I wish all guests left the house that clean.  

I went down to the basement and something they had done annoyed me, which set me off.  I took a minute, noticing my fierce and foul mood change over something small.  

“It doesn’t matter, I told myself.  Be thankful they left the house so damn clean and that it happened two weeks in a row.”  

I can’t ask for much more than that, and it’s not worth sweating the small stuff.  I have to keep my attitude in check.  I’m the boss, dammit, and I have a staff of six this year to motivate and keep on track, and if my mood sucks, so will theirs.  

I kept moving and everything stayed on track and organized last week, unlike the week before which was really just a cluster-fuck, since I was short a staff member and all of us work other jobs and have to carefully schedule time to keep the Ranch in working order or better.  We’ll see what this week brings, but I know that no matter what, only the big stuff matters.  Thank the stars I have a job and more work coming in and connections to get me to a better place soon.

What do you do to keep your attitude in check and positive?

Life is good. March 1, 2009

I went for a long walk this morning with the dogs.  The view going up of the the trail of the peaks made it worth jumping out of bed.  On the way down, the sun shined in my eyes, so I didn’t stare at the opposing peaks but rather kept my head on the road.  I started to think about where I am in life.  And, damn, I am so happy despite all the complications and busyness.  The following lines from a  song kept going through my head:

 

“It’s good.

Isn’t it grand?

Isn’t it great?

Isn’t it swell?

Isn’t it fine,

isn’t it,

nowadays.”

 

Roxie Hart in “Chicago”

 

I saw my single life coming.  I looked forward to it.  I knew it would be the only way for me to become a happier person to get time to myself, guilt-free and without having to use work as an excuse.

 

I feel more love now than I did four months ago.  Love flows like the ocean back and forth with everyone in my life.   I feel more love and respect for myself than before.  

 

I used to think that things would be easier if I hadn’t had a child.  I had regrets about bringing him into this world.  My marriage would have crumbled like clods of dry dirt with or without Little Guy.  Now I know how Little Guy makes my life better, and I hope Ex’s too.  He makes me a better person, more responsible for the two of us.  

 

I have some challenges coming up, and I haven’t had a major freak out yet.  This time, I’m calm.  I know I’ll be fine.  

 

I’ll be divorced in less than a week.  I’m looking forward to that in some ways. Emotional highs and lows will accompany the loss and gains of legally ending that relationship.  Financially, I’ll be screwed, but it won’t last forever, and it’s only money.  There are way more important aspects to life.  I’ve gained back control of my own life and mental condition.  That rocks!

 

After my walk, I got online and found out a friend of mine died a few days ago after a long battle with brain cancer.  She had undergone treatment and beat it twice in the last ten years.  She was doing well and looking for work the last time I talked to her, so it surprised me to hear that she had moved on from this world.  

 

Her memorial is tonight, and I plan to attend.  The first thought that crossed my mind was she would be happy for me.  She knew I had a hard time adjusting to life as a mother and that my marriage made me miserable.  She was always such a positive person in the face of life and death for the entire time I knew her.  I always admired that about her.  She was too young to die, but I am so glad that we met.

Random Fortune & Change August 11, 2008

I feel fortunate today, fortunate that I got to sleep until 7:45 a.m. for the second day in a row.  I couldn’t sleep last night, so I got up and typed until I couldn’t stay awake any more.  I napped yesterday, and that threw my sleep schedule off.  I hope my sleep pattern goes back to normal this week.  I wish I were a morning person sometimes, but I never have been, except by force, and that doesn’t count.  

This past weekend, I got invited to join in this weekend’s wedding festivities and eat dinner with the guests.  I always feel a little out of place and welcome at the same time.  The younger daughter in the family got married.  Her older sister had gotten married in the past year, too.  The sisters are best friends.  During the toasts, the older sister spoke about how close she and her sister have been since they were little and that there’s no where else they’d rather be than with each other.  My mind zipped to my mom, since we feel the same way about each other.  I thought, ‘So, we’re not the only related pair that feels this way.’  Maybe it isn’t so strange.  If I had a sister, maybe I would have that kind of relationship with her rather than with my mom, who’s my best friend.  I was happy for the family and for the bride on her wedding day surrounded by her family and friends.  

*****

I have some coffee that some guests left behind a few weeks ago.  It’s a brand that you can get at the grocery store and says a time on it.  I would not recommend this coffee.  It’s not as bad as the kind that comes in a can and starts with an “f.”  If I doctor it up with milk and chocolate syrup, I can tolerate it.  The good news is that my coffee consumption has decreased over the last few days.  I’m back down to 3 cups, and I don’t know if I’ll finish all 3 today.  We’ll see.  So far, I haven’t had any headaches from my caffeine receptors going unfed.  

****

I read a while ago that if you leave your blemishes alone, they will heal up on their own in 3 days.  I have shown some amazing willpower the last few days.  I used to have this power over myself to leave my skin alone, but it’s been a good 10 years or more since I last demonstrated such self-control.  So, the simple pimples that heal fast and come to a whitehead in a day or so dry up, but not in 3 days for me.  I still have the one that began the challenge, and it’s been about 5 or 6 days.  Now, I’m to the itching part, which means it’s still healing, and it feels more like a scab now.  The big, deep, painful blemishes that deserve their own names will take longer than 5 or 6 days to heal when left alone.  At least, that’s my bet.  

My challenge to post something every day last week went unmet as soon as my shifts at the restaurant happened.  It doesn’t matter.  I thought I would give it a shot.  I could probably do it in the fall when I have less going on.  

For those of you who don’t know, my birthday is on Thursday.  I had some freak-out moments last week.  OMG, I have a three-year-old, for instance.  I didn’t expect to say that for another 4 years or so, if ever.  I expected to Professor Jenniphur by last year, and that didn’t happen.  I have acknowledged that ideas and goals change, including those two.  It makes me wonder if I’m now ready to go to grad school.  That kept me awake near all night on Wednesday.  I’ll look into it, but my gut says I’m not ready yet, and I don’t know what I want academically.  I’d rather do some more theatre…in my spare time.  

Off to work and to think of a way to get Little Guy to stop breaking things,

J