Housesitting rocks! January 31, 2009

I’ve been housesitting this week, and it’s awesome and weird. Ex asked me to housesit for him while he went out of town for work.

I forgot how much I missed this house and Little Guy having his own room. That may be the best part. It makes me realize how badly I want to live in my own place.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy living with my girlfriend and her family. I have felt lonely here without them, but I have relished the quiet and the freedom to do laundry whenever I want, leave my dishes unwashed, use the wireless internet, cook in the good pans, and watch TV.

Since moving out, I haven’t had TV. Life fills up my time, and I don’t know how I ever had time for TV. I have noticed that with internet and TV at my fingertips, I spend less time with Little Guy.

I decided to sleep in the old bed, rather than the couch in the cold living room. That has been weird.

Ex called a few minutes ago, and he’s going to be home tonight. I’m looking forward to going back to my room at Girlfriend’s and getting some time off from Little Guy and seeing a good friend. I almost planned a Super Bowl party, and now I’m glad I didn’t.

Time to crack the whip. I have another load of laundry to do, dishes to put away and wash, a dog and cat to brush and exercise, and a rug to vacuum.

Back to my old self – minus the coffee January 29, 2009

I felt like my old self again this morning.  Morning, remember, I don’t care for them.  I didn’t sleep well last night.  I went to bed early then woke up around 11:45 p.m. and stayed awake for a few hours.  My anxious thoughts seems to have slowed down, but they still pile up in my head.  Then, I have 20 questions on my mind at the end of the day or the middle of the night and few answers.  

I have felt tired all day long, and I woke up thinking about strong, black tea and food.  Not much else.  I spoke as little as possible as long as possible, just like I used to do.  I grunted my responses to Little Guy, with love, of course.  I haven’t had a morning like this in a while.  

Yep, I’m back.

I should mention that when I moved out in November, I quit coffee and switched to black tea.  I got a stomach bug and couldn’t eat or drink for a day, felt crappy so I went through caffeine withdrawals on top of it.  Sometimes, I wake up and drink water and don’t have any tea.  I’m caffeine-optional.  

Today I had tea, and I made it with the right parts of milk and agave nectar.  It made the morning so much better.

Monday, Monday with Little Guy January 29, 2009

Sometimes, Little Guy can drop in at pre-school. On Monday, we did just that. He wouldn’t stay in the classroom, unless I did, so I spent all day Monday with Little Guy. Sadly, I have few days where I spend most of it teaching him things aside from Mommy works a lot.

He’s three and a half, so we’re working on the alphabet and counting to ten, which he can do almost all by himself. That day in school, we painted, watched and learned about birds, traced pictures, played outside and watched a Montessori video.

Little Guy worked on sharing, helping clean up with the other kids, listening, and taking turns. I enjoyed my day with him and felt like we had created some quality time together.

Last Weekend – Fun and Tiring and Filled with Music January 29, 2009

Little Guy went to a friend’s house for a sleepover last Friday night, and I went out with Girlfriend. We grooved to an entertaining, local rock band. I GOT TO SING WITH THEM FOR ONE SONG.  Wahoo!  We danced with funny locals who had the balls or enough alcohol in them to goof off on the dance floor with us.  We stayed up way too late.  I crashed on the couch and had to get up to work Saturday. I didn’t get to sleep in. What a long day of needing a nap, so after work, I took one. Then, I picked up Little Guy from his friend’s house and took him to his dad’s.

Saturday, I got the night off from work and went to a larger town nearby, about an hour and a half away, with a friend. We saw a punk rock show (Frontside Five) at a bar that didn’t have much to it, but a stage, a cement floor, lots of black paint, a bar, and two, cold, white-tiled bathrooms.

The music was loud. It was so loud that it vibrated loose all the bronchial congestion I have had for the last 3 weeks. Life List: See punk rock show: Check!

I couldn’t help but think of Ex who went through adolescence with the help of punk rock. He would have liked that place, just as this friend does. Weird, rare similarity.

Then, the moment I had been waiting for, Hell’s Belles started playing. For those of you who don’t know, Hell’s Belles is an all-girl, AC/DC cover band. Not being a huge AC/DC fan, I didn’t know who they were either. Oh, but when Girlfriend heard I had seen them, she was sooo jealous. She is a HUGE AC/DC fan.  She was sick that weekend, or I would have invited her.

Anyway, I danced to the music and couldn’t sing along to the lyrics. Those women kicked ass! I didn’t want the show to end. If this band comes to a town near you, SEE THEM!

Since I had slept very little the night before, this friend and I agreed that I would drive down and he would drive us home, so that I could sleep. This also meant that I got to have drinks. It seems like I get designated as the driver when I go out, so what a treat to get a real night out. I didn’t have to pay for my drinks, and he filled up my gas tank on the way home.

I still didn’t sleep enough that night, but it was worth it. And going to work at 9 a.m. on Sunday wasn’t so bad either, and I had Little Guy that day, too. As soon as I dropped off Little Guy that afternoon with Ex, I left in search of a nap and found one that lasted a couple hours and ended with cheese pizza and more sleep.

Optimistic Realism January 18, 2009

Holy cow! I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since November. I have written, but not much or frequently.

Mom visited for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She stayed with Ex for Thanksgiving and with me for Christmas. After her Christmas stay, she informed me that my life is complicated.

I disagreed…until today.

During her visit, she saw me in my real, new life, living in one room with my son 5 days a week and sharing a home with a family about whom I care a lot. Some days I feel like I drive back and forth between my old home and my new home and daycare. And then, I fit in a social life and three jobs, one of which is working for Ex. Tricky, I know.

I will say that I have it pretty good. Life is good. I have no regrets about my decision to reclaim my life, I mean, get divorced from Husband. We get along better now than we did when we were together.
I think Little Guy feels my relief and more positive feelings toward Ex. He’s very matter-of-fact about the situation of where I live now.

Since I left Ex, he has decided that he needs to change himself. (You’re welcome.) He’ll make a better father and a better husband for his second wife. He will remarry, and I want him to do it for the right reasons. Though, with our child in the picture, it kind of scares the shit out of me to think about another entire family coming into Little Guy’s life. I see a lot of opportunity, too, for all of us.

As for me, I have learned a lot about life and myself. I still don’t believe in marriage, unless it involves separate houses and separate everything, and then what’s the point? I must have believed in marriage a smidge when I did it, but it always felt temporary. Maybe if I hadn’t married him, I would never have grown as much courage as I have. I’d like to think not, but maybe. I could have had a live-in partner or two over the last 8 years and had to have left them, until I learned not to believe in living with your partner. Ha ha.

For a person who walks on the sunny side of the street, this post seems more realistic than sunny. Optimistic realism.

Well, friends, I’m dog-sitting tonight and my complicated life has caught up to me and begins again tomorrow. I’m hitting the sack and wish everyone contentment.