All Hallow’s Eve – Talk Thursday October 30, 2008

I remember one year in the 90’s when Sid dressed up as a skeleton and painted teeth on his lips. It looked so creepy when he would smile and show off that double-set of chompers.  I probably had nightmares.   We attended a college party at a hotel ballroom.  I don’t remember much about that night for some reason.  I didn’t even drink much in those days…underage and all.  I think I went as a black cat that year.  I remember dancing with Sid and some great dance music, and that’s about it.  Maybe I did have a drink.  

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I’m looking forward to Halloween this year.  For the first time in years, I’m celebrating.  I know, I know, and I have a small child.  He will celebrate Halloween for the first time this year, too.  I’m dressing him up and taking him trick-or-treating.  

I didn’t reveal this until today. The new variations of candy at the bank have broadened Little Guy’s expectations of getting a sucker to getting a Tootsie Roll, or something similar that will threaten to yank out his dental work in years to come.  

I’m playing construction worker tomorrow and helping put up the exterior facelift on the house.  I don’t know how that will work with Little Guy being with us, but I’m sure he’ll be happy with his construction toys.  Then, we’ll hit a local street up for come sugar, and I’ll head to Girlfriend’s house to get ready for our night out.  We’re heading to a local bar where a local, favorite, fun band will play.  I’m looking forward to it, and I’m taking her out this time.  

Poor Husband, he doesn’t get to have fun on the town with us.  He doesn’t celebrate anyway, so I think he only cares because I’m going out.  We haven’t done anything for Halloween since, hmm, 1999 or so.  

Holidays, I normally feel so ho-hum about them, but maybe I just wasn’t hanging with the right people.  Girlfriend said she spent $800 one year on decorations for her house for Halloween.  Yikes!  We live in such a remote area that we don’t even buy candy.  We have no trick-or-treaters.  Everyone heads into town for that.  

I’m looking forward to a full day and night!

Red (exerpt) October 29, 2008

I have this week off from jobs outside the home.  I intended to drive to see my mom this week, but I have too much work to do here in our office and tax reports to file by Friday.  Husband is home this week making structural improvements to the exterior of our home.  I have Little Guy home with me, too, instead of in daycare.  It has worked out, since I think he has had a cold for the last few days, and now he’s got tummy trouble again.  It seems he has this every week.  My cat has enjoyed all the snuggling we have done in the last few days.

In the meantime, my throat is sore and looks the same way I feel: irritated.  I think the weather changing every week from warmish to cold has dried out the air.  I don’t feel sick.  I feel the same as I did yesterday.  I’m working out every day this week, something I haven’t done regularly since July or so.  It feels good.  My health feels like a priority in my life again.  I didn’t even have a drinky-drink last night, and I could tell a difference when I got up this morning.  I’m going to have to do that more often.  My skin looked brighter and my dark circles looked lighter.  I’m not that much of a drinker, but I have enjoyed a drink or two almost every day this summer.  

I worked in the office last night after Little Guy went to bed.  I had an easier time doing the work.  Normally, after a drink, I just want to do nothing or lie in bed and watch a movie, even though I usually work in the office anyway just with less enthusiasm than usual, if that’s possible.  With all the catching up I have to do for this calendar year, it wouldn’t hurt for our house to go dry for the next few months or to allow myself one night a week to kick back with a Lemon Drop.

This week I plan to:

• read “The Art of Doing Nothing,” 
• vacuum my car’s interior, 
• paint my toenails in preparation for Halloween night, 
• rearrange and vacuum Little Guy’s room (done), 
• get my snow tires put on, 
• and straighten up this mess of an office.  

Pack Rat October 28, 2008

Hello, my name is Jenniphur, and I am a pack rat and daughter of two pack rats whose parents were also pack rats.  I married a pack rat, and the pack rat future for my son looks bright.  

I was at a friend’s house over the weekend who has a collection of broken sunglasses.  I opened my mouth and expressed that the sunglasses would better serve the rest of their life in a landfill, since all but one pair lies lenseless or in other states of disrepair.  I learned that the sunglasses will be saved for future use in an art project.  

Okay, viable logic, I thought.  I have said that SO many times in my life.  It didn’t occur to me then, but using broken items for art seems a greener way to go than throwing things in a landfill.  In a feng shui sense, I always vote to get rid of stuff in the fastest manner possible.  I can always get something back if I need it, either from the thrift store where I donated it or from friends who have their own collections of broken stuff.  

That conversation reminded me of all the crap that I have saved for various reasons and all of the crap treasured items my mom has saved.  For example, my mom has kept a knitting project that my aunt gave her when she was still married to my dad…and that was over 25 years ago.  My mom claimed that she kept it because of the high-quality yarn.  

My aunt’s dead now, 10 years this month, one of the world’s biggest losses when that happened.  I wondered how much that fact played in my mom’s decision to keep the yarn even longer.  I have felt over-sentimental about the things that I have received from people in my life that I loved who have since died, especially from my aunt.  I didn’t know a person who didn’t like her, but perhaps I have rose-tinted glasses on.  

In true pack rat spirit, passed from generation to generation, I have saved several pair of jeans for my mom to use.  She has talked about making a denim, patchwork quilt or blanket for probably 15 years now, if not longer.  I thought I would help her by saving my fabric for her and have since kept every, ratty pair of jeans since 1994.  I keep them upstairs in my closet in a suitcase, along with a bunch of other worn out, perfectly good for sewing project items.  

Now, I tell myself that I’ll make projects out of the the stuff.  AND I DON’T EVEN SEW!  I can sew, but I have no patience or interest for it.  It’s like knitting.  That project that my mom has kept for so long from my aunt, she gave it to me to do after she taught me how to knit for the fifth time.  After keeping it for 3 or 4 years and not doing anything with it but storing it under my bed, I gave it back to her this past July when she visited.  I was never going to do a knitting project, even if my aunt had owned it at one time.  

I’m working in my home office today, cleaning it up and organizing and putting away.  Every time I do this, I find more stuff that I should have just gotten rid of upon finding it the first time, rather than stuffing it in a bag to deal with later.  It’s not that I don’t think that I can move forward with things from my past.  It’s that I don’t want static chi in my home.  If I have to say, “Oh, yeah…that,” it’s time to make decisions about what I cram my corners with, and yarn or a pink stuffed bunny that my aunt made aren’t what I prefer.  I allow myself to keep one item from each past relationship, and it has to trigger positive memories.  

It may have been one of the world’s biggest losses when my aunt died.  On the flip side, her life represented one of the world’s greatest gains that she could share her creativity with the people in her life.  She inspires me to share my creativity and laugh a lot and love many and show it, and that means more than any ball of yarn could.

Motivation Game October 27, 2008

Sometimes, when I have something I don’t want to do, I will challenge myself to complete the task in a certain amount of time.  Say it’s 8:34 p.m., and I’d like to watch a DVD at 9 p.m., but I have to wash the dishes, or file a pile of papers.  I’ll challenge myself to get it done in those remaining 26 minutes.  

I usually don’t complete the self-assigned task in the allotted time, but it makes it more tolerable to play a game like this with myself.  Just because I don’t finish the task in the time I challenge myself to, does not mean that I have failed at my own game.  It just keeps things interesting so that I do something.  I will finish the dishes in however long it takes me.  When it comes to filing, I will usually stop when my time’s up.  I just try to move as fast as possible when doing unenjoyable tasks or distract myself with good music or my thoughts, both of which provide topics for me to blog about.  

How do you motivate yourself?

A Break October 26, 2008

Little Guy had his first sleepover this weekend.  He did great, and Husband and I enjoyed a little peace and quiet and got to go out TOGETHER.  Girlfriend and I were going out on Friday night, and I decided to ask Husband if he wanted to join us.  She and I didn’t dance anywhere near as much as we usually do, but it was good to get Husband out.  I enjoyed feeling 100% free of child responsibility for one night.  I have a few friends who have this luxury of having family around and really getting a break, and I hope to make more of a habit of it and returning the favor to my mom-friend.  

When Husband and I woke up in the morning and had breakfast, we commented on the quiet of the house. We had both slept better that night than we had in a long time.  We decided that we need to give Little Guy away overnight more often.  

Little Guy did great at his friend’s house.  He didn’t ask about me once or wake up disoriented over his whereabouts.  He and his friend played and played and played.  

Having Little Guy gone for a night reminded me of what life was like before we had him, but it was too quiet.  I missed Little Guy after a while.  I looked forward to picking him up, even though I had to head to work with him, and that makes life a little harder sometimes.  Husband didn’t get to see Little Guy until we got home after 5 pm.  He really missed him!  So, they had some father-son time while I headed out to a different job for the night.  

Yes, we’ll enjoy sleepovers more often in the future!

Cozied Up – Talk Thursday October 24, 2008

I watched a movie last night with a girlfriend.  We settled into the cozy leather couch under her soft, white blanket and drank a bottle of wine from Jim Barry Vineyards, the shiraz. It tasted like berries with a touch of caramel after it breathed for a while.  Our heads hurt by the end of the night.  My head still hurts.  Unsatisfied caffeine receptors yesterday + wine = OW!  We didn’t spill anything on the white blanket, though.  Miracle.  We laid on the couch and talked for a couple hours after the movie.  So comfy.

Meme October 21, 2008

1. If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?  Hm, well, what kind of betrayal?  Is he telling all my secrets or boinking someone?  I’d get over it either way.  

2. If you have a dream you’d like to come true, what is it?  I’d like to have one, good job doing something I enjoy, one job that pays the bills and then some.  

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?  Aside from my own which needs it for motivation, hm, I’m not much of one for violence.  I don’t think butt kicking does what it’s supposed to do.  I’m more of a butt smacker.  Watch out!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?  One BILLION dollars.  That would pay off debt for me, Husband, my momma, and all my friends, and could I help relieve the National Debt?  I could build a pre-school, fund teacher education, and move to a different country if I wanted to, go to Grad school, and afford pre-school and college for Little Guy, get sterilized and sterilize anyone else I know who would like to join me.

5. Will your best friend always be your best friend?  More than likely.

6. Have you ever loved two people at once?  I love many people.  I assume this question means have I ever been in love with two people at once, to which I must reply, “no, I don’t think so.”

7. How long would you wait for someone you really loved?  I live for today, this week, this month, maybe this year.  I don’t believe in waiting for someone or someone waiting for me.  I did at one time.  How would I know if I really loved a person if I were still waiting for him?  Relationships are like shoes, and you have to try on a few pair to get find a good fit.  

8. If you won the lottery, would you quit your job?  I would quit 3 of them and keep working for myself, but I would take a vacation first.  

9. Who is on your celebrity top 5…you know, the ones…that if you ever had an opportunity…

I’d have to get to know them first.  Colin Farrell, Joaquin Phoenix, Madonna, and I’m done thinking about this.

10. What sucks the life out of you?  It depends on what I let get to me enough to be life-sucking.  I used to joke when I nursed my son that he sucked the life out of me.  Ha ha. 

11. How do you see yourself in ten years time?   As a better communicator.

12. What’s your greatest fear/phobia?  Odd numbers, unclean hands and failure.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?  Good and unique and complex.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?  Read my blog.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?  Close my eyes and try to go back to sleep until I HAVE to get up.  

16. Would you give all in a relationship?  Yes, and in the right relationship, I wouldn’t call it giving all.  It’s just what happens.  

17. Is your career vitally important to you?  I could work with words for the rest of my life and be happy and that would be vitally important as a career.  

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing someone has done?  Depends on how horrible.  I tend to forgive easily and tread more carefully afterward.

19.  Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?  They both have their merits.  

20.  Tag 6 people.  Any 6, have at it.  

Priorities, Resolutions, and Focus October 20, 2008

Last winter or fall, I made a resolution to do one thing at a time, to stop multitasking.  This decision came about after a few conversations on the phone where I did other things at the same time: emailed, surfed the internet, cooked dinner.  Well, when I multitasked, each task suffered.  I couldn’t remember details from conversations.  I would get lost in my cooking process.  You get the picture.  

Over the weekend, I finished an editing project for a 60-page website.  I edited the site online and on the pages that needed corrections, I had to wait for the pages to load (about 2 minutes) and unload (another 2 minutes) for editing in the program I used.  I wanted to focus on Sunday morning and FINISH that project and FOCUS on the project and nothing else.  Normally, I read or write online while the pages load and unload.  

But I didn’t let myself on Sunday.  I didn’t want to waste any time.  If I paid attention and moved on to the next page as soon as the program would let me, I would complete the edit faster and not get distracted.  Piles of unfiled papers pleaded that I file them during page loads.  They sat.  The internet begged me to open it and find something to watch on YouTube.  I didn’t.  

I finished the project a half-hour earlier than I expected on Sunday morning.  I took two breaks to switch laundry and get snacks and text message back a friend.  I discovered that I can sit still for about 45 minutes to an hour at a time before I lose my concentration and need to get up.  I hope that with practice focusing on one thing at a time will become easier and I will see it as an asset to do one thing at a time.  I’m sure everyone will benefit.

Talk Thursday – Soothing Naturals October 16, 2008

Mom and I always ran late (and still do).  Eggo waffles made the best, quick breakfast.  On frenzied, school/work days, we’d chow down an Eggo or two at the table using real, breakable plates and steel forks.  Eggos needed butter and syrup, so eating them with our hands would have made a mess on the floor…for the dog to lick up.  

On the weekends, Mom would top them with medium-hard, steamed eggs.  The yolk would ooze into the waffle’s squares and mix with the butter and syrup creating a flavor blend that I recreate to this day when I need a little soothing.  Anything that reminds me of Mom soothes me.  

I don’t know what Kellogg’s puts in those waffles, but the smell of them toasting and their sweet, greasy flavor reminds of the good ol’ days, the best time of my life, when I lived with my mom and Sid.

Funky Mood October 12, 2008

I had a funky day yesterday.  I didn’t feel like doing anything.  I’m PMSing.  I felt zapped of enthusiasm.  I was QUIET.  Me.  Quiet.  I felt cranky and impatient and particular.  I was in a weird mood.  And sex?  My body said “yes” while my head said “no.”  I wanted chocolate and potato chips – no, not together.  

I daydreamed about 4 days in New Mexico by myself.  Why New Mexico?  I have no idea.  Maybe to find some decent pinion coffee.  Maybe because it’s warm and looks nothing like Colorado.  Maybe it’s because my kid’s got a stomach virus, and I’m tired of cleaning him up.  Maybe I just need some space from my life here, and New Mexico’s only a 5-hour drive away.  

So, I pulled myself out of my mood this morning with a fabulous mix-CD that Sideon gave me almost 10 years ago after he moved away.  Ain’t nothing that compares to belting out Prince’s “Kiss” while in the shower.  Little Guy has suffered some hearing damage this morning, but he will survive.  He will survive.  Hey, hey.

I’m burnt like a carcinogen at my jobs.  I have four days off at the end of the month, and I want to go somewhere.  I know I’ll have to take Little Guy with me, but that almost makes it better.  Think of all we could find on a mother-son adventure.  I don’t know where I will go, or if I will go for sure, but I started to turn that cog in my head last night.  Then, I talked to my mama today, and started to turn the cog with her.  Four days at my mama’s house with Little Guy could serve the “get away” feeling well.  A day or two in an unexplored, nearby town might work, too.  

In the meantime, I leave you with Lenny Kravitz’s “Fly Away.”